I only have 4 resolutions. The first is to make it back to Sage Summit and the other is to make it to 2015. Are those doable? Sure, why not. It’s not like I’m doing much else and my main goal(s) requires me doing my part to not let this cancer get me into states of depression, sadness and self pity. The 4th resolution is that I continue to building a positive image for my sons.
My palliative care psychologist suggested that I leave the house every morning, visit with people, continue to get my affairs in order, I’m also working on a picture album for each of the boys. We’ve had a lot of good memories with more (I hope) to come. I have over 3,500 photographs to sift through.
My condition? Doctors still say that I’m stable. been experiencing some great days since about two weeks ago when the pain was so bad and I spent most of the day at UCSD while they ran the usual battery of tests.
Cancer has a perverted sense of humor but it’s not funny. I could have 10 brilliant days consecutively, wake up on the 11th in pain and end up UCSD for the next 24-48 hours. I normally don’t tell anyone about it, I’m not sure why I don’t and yet can be so transparent about everything else.
I have made it known that I want to volunteer and do whatever I can to lend a hand with the hospital’s cancer patients. I would like to work with the children. I want to set an example to my sons that you can receive so much just by helping someone who needs it. Children shouldn’t have to deal with terminal diseases and I believe that its our responsibility to take care of them.
I asked my doctors to schedule my appointments between 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and the main reason for that is traffic on the 5, both north and south. I like to get there at least 1 hour before my scheduled appointment so I can grab a cup of coffee and go people watch in the main lobby of the Moores Cancer Center. The parade of cancer patients is endless, some look like they’ve given up, some who still fight cancer when they have the strength. The final profile are patients like me. I try to carry happiness and laughter with me wherever I go but I’m most conscience of how I carry myself when I’m in the Cancer Center. I feel fortunate, that for now I feel good however I am aware that there will be a time that feeling good will be nothing more than a distant memory.
But right now lets all have a Happy New Year & find it in your heart to help support as researchers continue to work on wiping cancer from this earth. I know that it’s too late for me but I have children whom it may help and your children too.